Dear Mister Howard,

Mister Howard,

            Mommy talks about you all the time, and I think she talks about me to you too. I’m not sure who you are, but I want to meet you some day. You seem like a nice man because I never hear Mommy talking badly about you. She talks bad to Daddy all the time. But then Daddy yells back at her. I never know what they are talking about. One day it is about Mommy spending too much money, or another day it is about Daddy not working hard enough. The same things really, and they always say that each other doesn’t care about me when I grow up. I think they care about me. Mommy always takes me with her to get her nails done and get new dresses. She always asks me if she thinks a dress makes her look like Miss Trudy in the apartment next door. Miss Trudy isn’t a very pretty lady like my Mommy. She has a big nose and ways wears this thing my Daddy calls a Moo-Moo. The lady scares me. And Daddy! Well Daddy takes me to Central Park every weekend to feed the little ducks with our old bread. He takes me in his car and onto the big road and puts the windows down just as I like it. Sometimes it scares me because the door rattles and whenever I touch the car I get this brown stuff on my hand, it kind of feels like taking Cocoa Puffs and smashing them up, but I know its not dirt. As Tony the Tiger says, “They’re Great!”! I don’t know why they fight all the time. Whenever they fight it seems like we get something new in the house. Not to mention they wake me up sometimes with the fighting. When I thought things were getting a little better, Mommy and Daddy woke me up with their yelling again. Miss Trudy’s dog woke up too and I heard him barking really loud. Daddy was asking why Mommy smelled like dog and this thing called licker. I would ask too because dogs are gross. Mommy asked Daddy why he smelled fruity and something like whiskers. Daddy always told me if I saw a man in a dress that’s a fruit, but he wasn’t wearing a dress tonight. At one point the loud questions stopped, but then Daddy knocked over our TV. It didn’t work anyways, so I wasn’t too sad about that. Then he threw my dollhouse at the wall. It looks broke, but I couldn’t see too much from inside the closet. For a long time all I could hear were things crashing and sometimes Mommy or Daddy saying “ouch.” They told me that “ouch” wasn’t a good thing to say because it would make the other person want to make you say it again. I think they forgot about what they were teaching me. Mommy and Daddy stopped when they heard a beating on the door and a man telling them to open up. They opened the door, and Miss Trudy walked in with a policeman. He put some shiny things on their hands and told them to sit on the ground. The policeman walked around the house looking for something, then walked out with Mommy and Daddy to have a talk. Their talk must be good because it has been a long time since they have come back inside, maybe things are better now. I hope so, because its almost breakfast time and I can’t ever reach the milk.

Thanks Mister Howard!

Mommy loves you so I guess I do too.